It's funny how we can pick up a tone of voice through
the written word.
I have gotten several messages from people reading this
that celebrate my happiness, and I don't remember being
especially happy when I wrote what they responded to.
I guess maybe I don't understand or I think I even dislike
the word happy.
My Dad has told me many times; when being confronted
by my judgemental allegations that our family was full
of the most unhappy Christians I had ever met, that
happiness was not a goal for a Christian, nor was it a guarantee
that the life of a Christian would be a happy one. So I guess
my view of it is tainted. (I should say here that I disagree
with my Dad based on the fact that depression and anxiety
are most certainly not an exchange for happiness in the
life of a Christian.)
I discovered on my own that happiness, while temporal and
worldly, had a supernatural counterpart - joy.
I heard but never experienced until recently, that joy was
mine no matter how I was feeling! I believed this to be
true, but I think most Christians believe it and I don't see
it a lot in our lives.
Most of you know a lot of my story and you know how hard
and fast things move for me. The lessons and tests never
seem to let up, and we have all watched as God made great
strides and went to great lengths to bring me down this
healing path.
Lately, even though I don't feel happy there is an underlying
peace and appreciation for my life and all that it contains
on a daily basis.
I attribute this to the muscle building He and I have done
in the area of trust. Now that I do really trust He has my
best interest at heart it is something I live, this knowing
that no matter what I'm feeling my emotions are not
the indicator of how I am. They are also not the only thing
to base my assessment of a situation on.
I still worry. I still have anxiety about stuff. I may even
lose sleep if it's really upsetting me.
However, I now firmly rely on the fact that this to shall
pass and trust that whatever is going to happen is what
is supposed to happen because I listen to and operate in
a constant state of grace provided me by the only being
who has a better view than I do.
I was down at the waterfront again today and when I
got within about 20 feet I could see that it was very choppy.
The wind was really blowing in off the ocean and huge
waves were crashing against the rocks. Giant white caps
charging onto the shore and ending in a drenching spray
of white foamy water.
I thought that I probably wouldn't see those cute birds
there today, the conditions being what they were.
I looked to the left and behind a large cement wall that
is about 10 feet off shore, and 5 feet showing out of
the water, were the birds.
They had found a place that provided some comfort
from the storm, but their situation was still effected
by what was going on in their environment and it was
totally out of their control. What I couldn't see but know
for sure is true... just under the surface, where they
spend most of their time, things were calm .
It's under the water that they find food and that's what
they spend most of the day doing, searching for
nourishment. But, they have to trust that under the
turbulent waves is a place of safety or they wouldn't
even get in the water. And then they would starve to
death.
Draw your own conclusions.