ah well. it's another day and my shoulder has been
hurting for like a month now and the money from the
holidays is running low and all of my dreams and hopes
are on the verge of coming true-
or disappearing before my eyes.
fatalistic? no. burned? yes.
i just wish that it made sense to me. the reason for
the trials. i comprehend the necessity for them, it's
just my heart and mind want things and i know i have
this amazing connection to the creator of everything
and still i just can't let loose the reigns.
(that metaphor is for you d)
i can't seem to love each day no matter what it holds
and let tomorrow happen as it will and leave yesterday
in the past.
the same stupid things from yesterday pop up over and
over.
i can't sit in today and not try and figure out what to
do tomorrow.
when i got here i was in a great place of peace and
excitement and i felt very confident in my skin.
today i feel restless and afraid and unsure of who i am
and how on earth i'm gonna get where i want to be.
it's such a roller coaster and i don't feel designed to
take all of the ups and downs.
i also feel like something less terrifying would suck
the life out of me.
if the 9 to 5 job crushes my spirit
and so does the adventurous unknown...
what then?
i feel paralyzed.
pray for me.