wow.

So is this blog honest or what?

My last post came from another moment of my fear

and my desire

meeting head on.

I fully realize why I am here in Washington.

I also know what I want to do with my life.

It just seems too easy.

I feel almost spoiled, if the definition of spoiled is

to receive one's hearts desire.

As I sit here in bed this afternoon

doing research and reading my bible

I wonder why it is so hard to accept.

To accept the ease and lightness of the life of a Christian.

Why do we make it about condemnation and strife?

If we truly understood love, even our most feeble human

form of it, couldn't that give us at least a glimpse of what His

truth really is?

As I research the history of my belief system, my life choice,

I find room for doubt.

Doubt that it is the one and only right view of God.

Doubt that the bible is infallible.

Doubt that what I experience as religion is not man made.

Now I have chosen to follow Jesus

and all that that entails as I understand it.

I also embrace the doubt.

I embrace my failures.

I embrace my inability to do what is right.

I do not dwell on them but maybe, just maybe,

this understanding underscores what God has given

me to say

and if more of "us" did it,

it wouldn't make it so hard for "them"

to believe.