Monday, November 12, 2007

it's been a week i know!

I know! It has been a whole week! I was staying with Tom and Tasha and have since moved to my sisters home and I was unable to get on the internet. But it's fixed now, thanks Tom, and we can start again.
I want to thank those of you who shared words of encouragement. I appreciate the feedback and being able to see myself through the eyes of people who love me strengthens my resolve to allow Him to make me more like Him.
This week has been hectic and brought about some surprising conflicts. Ones with my self, I guess between my flesh and spirit, and ones with others.
I have heard from more than one source the seed of wisdom that when you start to press in to your dreams there will be obstacles. The part of that that has always worried me is not the struggle or the obstacles themselves; it's the knowledge that some of the obstacles will be people whom I expected to support and trust me.
It's those left field things that pull you down into fret and anger, and for me, making up speeches in my head in which I cuss them out. (the speeches are also full of valid points of protest.)
It's funny how one day you can read the scripture in 2 Cor. about the war not being against flesh and blood and turn around the next day and someones flesh has cut you and it's all you see, and it takes you three days to realize that you read that passage for a reason. You read it to prepare you for what was going to happen. To hopefully alleviate the stress and strife it would bring. To focus you on what is really going on, that darkness wants to kill you and the flesh of others, while no doubt able to do harm, is not what the battle is about.
I'm still unsure of the balance between expressing your anger when you have been wronged and allowing the Holy Spirit to heal the hurt and extend forgiveness. I am sure though that healing in that area has taken place... I haven't actually delivered any of those scathing speeches in a long time. Now I'm ready to be able to stand up for myself with pure motives and a gracious heart and get my stomach to stop hurting.

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