honestly there is nothing like a little piece of your past to
remind you of who you used to be and how far you have
come.
i am always the first one admit my need for continual
change. i feel, and have said, that i have been 100
different people over the last 7 years. i knew some major
things had happened for me since coming to washington
and having shared them with my accountability partner i
knew they were real and apparent, but i had no idea the
extent of them until yesterday.
i mean i have guraded my heart for the first time.
i have allowed God to guard my heart so deeply that when
my head went places my heart did not follow.
i have had conversations with men that while expressing my
feelings did not deteriorate into manipulative drama.
i have set boundaries in all of the relationships in my life and
most of them never even existed before now.
i have learned that i can and want to do things for God and
through God that once scared me.
i have discovered that music is my soul and missions is my
heart and writing is my life.
and knowing those things has opened me up to only God knows
what at this point.
i have never felt more hopeful.
i have never been more out of controll.
i have never been more sure of who i am and what i want.
i have been needy and emotional and helpless.
that has been answered by care and charity and encouragement.
good lord.
Good, Lord!