ARGH!!!!! My spirit is in such an uproar! I have stepped out onto
a limb I am unfamiliar with and it could break!
I sent some writings that I have done to a paper today, one which
I had already been rejected, by the way. Last time I sent things
that represented me only. This time I sent things they might
actually want to use. Learning is great. Failure is too.
And that brings me to today's topic.
Trust.
What do failure and trust have to with each other? you might
ask. Or you might not if you've been where I have. And I imagine
most people have.
But! here is what I learned today.
Well first here is what I know about me yesterday-
Yesterday I was afraid to move forward. I was afraid to try and to
fail. The last time I failed it filled me with anger. Looking back
I recognize that fear of failure has kept me from doing a lot of things.
Things I wish I'd done. Now don't get into regret here. These things
would have made my life different, but not necessarily better.
I mean if I had decided to pursue acting and singing which I have
loved and done since a very young age I might be rich and famous
right now getting to do something that I really enjoy. Or I might have
moved to LA or NY and picked up a serious drug habit, leaving
me sick and sad.
So... it would be different, but who is to say better?
So having accepted this I can only look forward and chose with God's
guidance to not be afraid. To chose to try and to succeed. And to fail.
If I believe that I am the only one. The only one that matters, the only
one responsible for me, the only on making the choices, then failing
is terrifying.
It is a direct reflection on me, and I Failed.
(with a capital F)
If instead... I trust... Trust that God is who He says He is, and
He has told me that he has plans to prosper and not to harm me.
He promised He will finish the good work He started in me.
He is about me and for me and in love with me and delighted by me.
If this is true, and I trust that it is, then failure is just an opportunity
to try again. To fine tune. To reevaluate.
So before I emailed this man my best, I prayed and commended the work,
and the result to His hands.
And then I laid down about 20 other stress filled fears.
I feel then scratching at the back of my neck right now. They want back in.
I'm going to go take a shower.
They can't stick to water apparently.