Last night I was watching The Rookie. It
stars Dennis Quaid and he is a baseball player
who had high hopes for a major league career
until he hurt his elbow.
When the movies starts we find him coaching
his local high school team, with most of his
dreams having been replaced by the daily
duties of having a wife and children.
At some point he allows himself to really throw
the baseball again and realizes that he is
throwing better and faster than when he was
young.
These kinds of movies always get to me. Like
Field of Dreams and Bull Durham, both staring
Kevin Costner. They are about unfulfilled dreams
and the process of realizing them against all odds.
They inspire me. As they were meant to.
This time though, what caught my attention was the
relationship Dennis' character has with his father.
His parents have been divorced a long time and
he has been angry at his dad for a lot of things
since then; making their relationship strained
and all but nonexistent.
These movies are considered 'dude' movies and
have all of the things necessary to interest dudes.
Sports, struggle, past ambitions, and fatherly
relations.
There were several scenes of the father and son
characters trying to interact and being uncomfortable.
One scene has the son going to the father for advice
and leaving frustrated and angry by what he heard.
At one point the mother and son talk about the son's
anger toward the father and she suggests he own
his part of the damage in the relationship and try
to forgive his father.
Well, as all inspirational movies do, he has his moment
in 'the majors.' He successfully strikes out the winning
run and is, again as usual, the humble, and momentary
hero. As he leaves the locker room he sees his dad.
They make a start toward reconciliation by admitting
their part in the mistakes of the past. You can see regret
in both their eyes and the desire for relationship.
At this moment I wondered what it was that I loved
about this movie, it being for dudes and all.
The thought occurred to me that sons crave the approval
of their fathers.
And every little girls wants to be the apple of her daddy's
eye.
In those next few moments I identified with that character;
having my own divorced parents and strained relationship
with my dad. I have often been angry with him and felt
like I lacked the precious love I so craved.
And also in that moment I owned my own part of that as
an adult and then something wonderful happened.
Instead of remembering all of the ways I have been
hurt, I remembered all of the times when I was the apple
of his eye.
The one memory I recalled as plain as day was when
he would come home from work and throw me over his
shoulder and carry me around calling me his 'sack of
potatoes.' I could hear him calling me pumpkin just
like he used to. And in that moment I remembered the
feeling. Not the detached adult feeling, but the actual
childlike, honest feeling I really felt in that moment.
Of he and I being the only people in the whole world,
and there alone with my daddy I was valued and loved
and very much his precious daughter.
Several waves of joy and love passed over me and then
and there I let the reality of a happy childhood take the
place forever of the lies to the contrary.
I love you Daddy.
Thank you for a past and present full of love and joy.
Your apple.