i was lying here this morning and thinking about this new
guy that my roommate is dating. he was in the army and
had been stationed in iraq. some things happened there
that are only his to tell, but they are bizarre things, things
i can not imagine facing.
he is a very nice guy, with good manners, and a kind voice.
he is smart and funny and yet something is missing.
as i lay here it dawned on me. i had described him as 'duh'
the other day. it was not a lack of intelligence duh it was
a lack of soul that i sense.
the war has stolen this mans soul.
and it made me so sad.
it's a strange concept since i feel like you can no more live
without a soul than you can your lungs, but when i see him
in my minds eye there is a dark emptiness where his soulful
energy should be. it's kind of like a vacuum in space. all
dark and quiet like not only is something missing but there
is a void left that absorbs sound and light and air.
it sounds strange. it feels strange for me too.
i am not a very politically minded person. and being a
Christian i know God uses fighting and death to judge and
regulate us. but seriously we should have outgrown this by
now. as a race of beings i mean.
the fact that we still subject our friends and sons and daughters
to the dark place of killing someone.
and being afraid of getting killed.
it is just so far beyond me and my ability to understand.
what i do understand is people and there is this young man
in front of me and he has lost his connection to his spirit and i can
feel it. feel something missing from inside of this rather normal
looking, acting guy. and because he seems normal, the thing i
feel will go unaddressed and i'm not sure where the human
psyche will take him.
as i get closer and closer to understanding God's heart my own
heart is much more easily broken. my head spins when i hear the
story of what this man was subject to at the hands of another and
what he did in return. i cringe when i hear that my favorite steven
has signed up to face the same things as a marine. my stomach
turns when i think about all they see and do and face when at war.
as i get closer to God's heart, my heart also has a greater capacity
to love. the ability to accept and not judge.
the inclination to include instead of exclude.
the hope that each person on earth will hear Him whisper sweetly
their name in their ear and be lovingly drawn deeper into
understanding Him and one another.
i hate war. i hate anything that pits one man against another and
causes him to choose between his humanity and his life.
to all of you who do it... thank you.
and i'm sorry we are in a world that you have to. and my God is
sorry about that too.