Almost 2 years ago i had this overwhelming
feeling and understanding that things were
going to change between God and i. I had no
idea what it would look like, i only knew that
it had been prayed over me by my pastor that
i have a deeper intimacy with Him. I felt deep
in my spirit that was going to change the way i
heard for Him, the way i felt about Him, my level
of obedience, my feelings about many things
including people and finances and dreams and
desires and even to the core of how i felt about
myself. It was kind of scary feeling, kind of empty.
I was very comfortable and confident in my relationship
with Them. I read my bible more than most, i can
pray like nobodies business, i have gifts and talents,
i do missions, i trust and have faith and it is
evident by the decisions i make...
Knowing now that i felt like that, i am so glad He
moved me from there.
From there to where you ask?
From pride to humility (again) only this time i had the
relational resources and the inner healing that allowed
me to leave humiliation and guilt out of it.
From fear to trust (this is new). Even though there
are things that cause that sore in my side to twitch,
i know what they are and i can see them coming which
keeps them from pulling the rug out from under me.
From doubt to belief (also new). I have chosen
intellectually to believe the things of God, but it all
has always seemed distant and too good to be true,
and you know what 'they' say about that.
This deeper level of intimacy has made my relationship
with Them real. There are legs on my faith that move
my feet in ways i could not have seen coming.
Because of the true belief i am experiencing i can hear
what He says sooner and even if it's not what i wanted
to hear i only mourn my idea for a moment, truly believing
that what He has for me must be so much greater if He
has closed the door in this. And this lesson my friends,
has been learned over years of feeling the exact opposite
and Him proving to me the truth. That His is true love
and His love for me never ends nor does it have
conditions. It is protective and honoring and pure and just
and very, very, very real.
May you all allow Him to move you deeper into love with
Him and may that reveal His true desire for your life and
may that blow your socks off with how perfectly it suits
everything about you.
Be blessed oh glorious God!
Your Child has seen your face!
Through faith i am yours.
Through pursuit You have me.
Never let go.