I started doing this very responsible thing in honor of being committed and faithful with this blog idea. I was even encouraged by a friend of mine to focus on this avenue of writing which confirmed for me what I had been feeling about it. So with new intention in mind I started to keep notes on things I wanted to write about and then instead of going with whatever was on my mind at the moment I have been going back and digging deeper into things that had been percolating for a while. This seemed not only an easier way, but a better way to make sure my thoughts were fully processed, and it has kept me writing each week because I don't have to try and come up with something on the spot.
But... today I have to share something I learned yesterday. It is such an overwhelming truth that I hope every single person in the world reads it.
I was meeting with Abe, my pastor/mentor/teacher/small group leader. And yes, his life reflects that he wears all of those hats in that he is super busy. We talked about a lot of things that concern our small group and our church. We also talked about how I am feeling about being a woman, and a single one at that, who is called to teach and pastor.
In my life, being a woman has been something that I have been ashamed of. First as a part of a world where "you throw like a girl" is an insult. Second by being raised in a religious environment that does not know that women are God's most beautiful creation with all of the gifts and inheritance afforded to men. And third because we have accepted the absurd notion that all women are supposed to look similar in shape to be considered valued and desired.
These things have caused in me not only a war against who I was created to be, but also a shame based way of thinking about myself.
Abe told me he believes, and I agree, that there are 3 voices that can contribute to the negative tapes of self hate. The voice of the flesh, the voice of the devil, and the voice of the world.
Here is the part that knocked the wind out of me yesterday.
He said that he read in a John Eldridge book the idea that as we hear each of those voices reminding us of lies we believe about ourselves like, you are stupid, or fat, or boring, and the corresponding feeling begins to surface of shame, or fear, or guilt, that as the tape plays, others hear it and respond to it. The idea is that while I am hearing those things and believing them, another person who I am interacting with can hear those things also and start to believe them about me and react as if they are true. For example I feel like I am being overlooked because I am a woman. During a conversation with Abe he begins to think that he can't give me a certain responsibility because I am a woman. In essence agreeing with me about my own negative self talk. In the world it is called self fulfilling prophecy or manifestation of negative self talk, but that makes it all about, and all up to, us. This idea, like all of Jesus' ideas, makes us responsible for and to each other. If while I am talking with a friend of mine and I find myself thinking, "Man you really are not smart," then I get the opportunity to stop and realize they already feel that way about themselves and I am hearing their inner evil voice tear them apart from the inside out.
OH MY GOD! The weight and responsibility of that set heavily on me as the awareness of whom I had done that exact thing with came to mind. I had agreed with their hate filled inner voice and thought and acted on it! OH MY GOD! Heartbreaking! And encouraging to know that I can stop that from effecting others; and that when I leave those voices of mine behind for good, well it will be different I am sure.
My friend Dani reminded me, after I shared this with her, that we are told to pray for more gifts of the spirit. Those of you that have a mercy gift may not find yourself being judgmental or critical as often, but those of us who don't share in that naturally, need more grace and kindness. I have prayed for that, and now have another thread woven ever so precisely into the fabric I call my life. All of the sudden it is a carpet of flowers in soft, pastel colors and thick, deep pile that makes for a safe place to land. For me, and for you.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Something interesting came up during Soma school while we were discussing the story of Noah. The story goes that after Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden, and there were many, many people on the earth, all of the people were out of control and were full of selfishness and violence. It was so bad that it caused God to regret even making us. I wonder how often He has felt that way since then, but has to be reminded of His promise no to kill us all. I can see Jesus and some of the angels getting together for coffee and talking about how they have to go to Him again and remind Him of the promise He made to Noah, maybe Noah is even there. Michael would be like, "Hey Jesus, I know it keeps coming up, but You guys seem especially angry today..." And Gabriel would jump in and say, "And it's true, they are despicable, but did you see that today Amy opened her home to a foster baby, and it's Tula Banks' first day on earth!" Then they would all vote to send Noah into see God, because well, it had worked before.
But the first time it happened, everyone was doing evil, and God saw that only Noah was blameless. Now if everyone was doing what was good in their own eyes, then how is Noah blameless? It doesn't say everyone except Noah. It says everyone was sinful, but one, Noah, was blameless. So somehow Noah, while still being sinful, was also blameless.
I have had trouble, because of my past, accepting this new creation I was supposed to have become after deciding to follow Jesus. It is said that you become that new person immediately, but it is obvious that to actually live as that person there is a time of healing and learning that has to come first. And even as I have learned and healed, I still knew that I was always going to be making wrong choices and doing things that were only good in my eyes. So it never made sense as to how I could be sinful and yet a blameless new creation. Until that day at Soma when someone pointed out that what had made Noah different, even though he was sinful and obviously being included in the 'all of the people were filled with evil day and night,' was the fact that he had a close relationship with God.
The conversation led to the fact that what makes a close relationship with God, and the only thing that made Noah worth saving, was his heart posture. He believed in God and his heart was one of obedience and trust.
I couldn't believe how all of the sudden it seemed so clear to me how we are able to be a new creation in Jesus, and still be our flawed, human selves. With Noah as our example we can see how as Christians, all of the works and deeds of good can not bring us one bit closer to God, and even though our love of Him is not always reflected in our lives through our choices and our voices, that what God wants is for our heart to be listening only to Him, and for us to be obedient to the things we hear.
I wonder if God questioned if Noah would build the ark? I know that He knows all things, but He did give us free will and it was quite a task God asked him to do. I can't even imagine the level of faith and trust Noah had, that pleased God so much that He chose him of all the people to save. And to know and hear God's voice in such a familiar way that when God said I'm going to kill everyone except you and your family, and I need you to build this giant boat so I can do it, Noah's response was to do it.
I love that. I love that they knew each other that way. Intimately. And that even though Noah was sinful, remember even after God saves them from the flood and everyone else is dead, Noah gets drunk and naked, his heart was open to and filled by the Creator. They had a close relationship.
In the next few moments God opened my eyes to what was keeping me from having that kind of relationship with Him, and it didn't have anything to do with what I was or was not doing. I was unable to live as the new creation He had made me to be almost 10 years ago because my heart posture was that of a grumbler. My sad, little wounded heart had grumbled and complained for so long that I was unable to see it clearly as a heart issue. Until that day. And immediately I asked Him to forgive me for allowing anger and bitterness to be my heart posture, and just as immediately did His forgiveness fill me with a sense of ease I didn't have before.
It has been several weeks since that day and I did not do any striving or working to live more fully as this new creation, God just simply gave me new eyes to see and the trust to let it go.
Many more things have come of this as you could imagine. And when He tells me to, I will share them with you. But next week I am going to share with you a new revelation I had, again at Soma school, when for the third time in a month I heard the story of the prodigal son. As they say, the third time is a charm, and for me it certainly was.
But the first time it happened, everyone was doing evil, and God saw that only Noah was blameless. Now if everyone was doing what was good in their own eyes, then how is Noah blameless? It doesn't say everyone except Noah. It says everyone was sinful, but one, Noah, was blameless. So somehow Noah, while still being sinful, was also blameless.
I have had trouble, because of my past, accepting this new creation I was supposed to have become after deciding to follow Jesus. It is said that you become that new person immediately, but it is obvious that to actually live as that person there is a time of healing and learning that has to come first. And even as I have learned and healed, I still knew that I was always going to be making wrong choices and doing things that were only good in my eyes. So it never made sense as to how I could be sinful and yet a blameless new creation. Until that day at Soma when someone pointed out that what had made Noah different, even though he was sinful and obviously being included in the 'all of the people were filled with evil day and night,' was the fact that he had a close relationship with God.
The conversation led to the fact that what makes a close relationship with God, and the only thing that made Noah worth saving, was his heart posture. He believed in God and his heart was one of obedience and trust.
I couldn't believe how all of the sudden it seemed so clear to me how we are able to be a new creation in Jesus, and still be our flawed, human selves. With Noah as our example we can see how as Christians, all of the works and deeds of good can not bring us one bit closer to God, and even though our love of Him is not always reflected in our lives through our choices and our voices, that what God wants is for our heart to be listening only to Him, and for us to be obedient to the things we hear.
I wonder if God questioned if Noah would build the ark? I know that He knows all things, but He did give us free will and it was quite a task God asked him to do. I can't even imagine the level of faith and trust Noah had, that pleased God so much that He chose him of all the people to save. And to know and hear God's voice in such a familiar way that when God said I'm going to kill everyone except you and your family, and I need you to build this giant boat so I can do it, Noah's response was to do it.
I love that. I love that they knew each other that way. Intimately. And that even though Noah was sinful, remember even after God saves them from the flood and everyone else is dead, Noah gets drunk and naked, his heart was open to and filled by the Creator. They had a close relationship.
In the next few moments God opened my eyes to what was keeping me from having that kind of relationship with Him, and it didn't have anything to do with what I was or was not doing. I was unable to live as the new creation He had made me to be almost 10 years ago because my heart posture was that of a grumbler. My sad, little wounded heart had grumbled and complained for so long that I was unable to see it clearly as a heart issue. Until that day. And immediately I asked Him to forgive me for allowing anger and bitterness to be my heart posture, and just as immediately did His forgiveness fill me with a sense of ease I didn't have before.
It has been several weeks since that day and I did not do any striving or working to live more fully as this new creation, God just simply gave me new eyes to see and the trust to let it go.
Many more things have come of this as you could imagine. And when He tells me to, I will share them with you. But next week I am going to share with you a new revelation I had, again at Soma school, when for the third time in a month I heard the story of the prodigal son. As they say, the third time is a charm, and for me it certainly was.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
For all intents and purposes.
Morning talk shows for women are awful! I was watching during my breakfast this morning. Flipping back and forth between The View and the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hobua. It felt like chaos with all of those voices going on and on at the same time, and there seemed to be this kind of frantic energy that made me want to turn it off. I fear that that energy is comforting to so many women, and why they watch that stuff, because it is the state most of us find ourselves living in. A sort of controlled chaos.
That in itself confirmed in me the things God is teaching me about being a woman, and the need for it to be taught to others, but before I turned the madness off they said something else that literally shouted, because they all seem to be talking at top volume, confirmation about something I realized at Soma school.
It was the Today show and they were talking about a study done over the last 20+ years in which women were asked questions that gaged their happiness. The findings from the most recent test showed that women are less happy today than they were before the women's liberation movement of the 1970s.
Now I have personally felt this was true for many years having lived through it as a child. A child who was given a green ERA button to wear by her mother and who's father promptly removed it from my shirt and threw it away. I think it started out with good intentions because, of course if a man and a woman are equally qualified and doing the same job, then they get the same pay. Duh. But at some point it went beyond trying to make us equal to men and has in many ways turned us into men. Teaching us that we have to 'have it all' implying that we don't have it all no matter what we have chosen or been given.
It is no longer adequate to raise you kids and provide a home, you have to fill all of your moments with either a job or endless activities or both. And God forbid that you are still single, you have to create such a circus of activity to not only prove that you are at least making something of your life, but you also have to prove your worth as a woman having entered obvious spinsterhood by the ancient age of 27.
It has led to a disconnect as to how to be a woman, even sometimes the desire to be one. It has emasculated men by confusing their roles as provider and protector, even to the point of it being a distasteful idea to need either of those things.
It has left women exhausted and empty and confused and desperate.
During my last visit to OKC I was blessed to hear several teachings by my pastor Josh Kouri. On Easter Sunday, after he had commissioned and confirmed my mission in Tacoma, he spoke about intentionality. Doing all things with intent, or on purpose. It gave me great clarity and joy to see so
clearly how that applied to this next season of my life.
Part of that intentionality led me to attend Soma school. Several days into it I found myself so captivated by the vision, that it was truly overwhelming to then have God begin to piece together my purpose there, and to actually show me how I was going to get to be involved. He pulled pieces from all parts of my past began to weave big sections of the tapestry of my life together for the first time.
While I was soaking in this joy of getting to do not only what God has created me to do, but what after years of seeking and listening and growing, I now knew I wanted to do, I realized...
that I would not only be ok if I never got married, but I might even choose, with intent, God over marriage.
I know saying it out loud frightens some of you. But my thinking is that if I really get to do this, if I really do get to teach and to write about who He is and what that means for us as His kids, then I would be so fulfilled and excited that I would want to be able to devote all of myself and my time to Him.
Like I might actually refuse to partake in the great gift of the marriage relationship, knowing that it would be wonderful, but it would never meet all of my needs and desires the way a life sold out to God would. (Now watch, I will have dudes knocking down my door tomorrow. :))
And not that you can't do both, but to avoid becoming overwhelmed and exhausted, I might consider choosing God only.
What was amazing to me was that I actually meant this. After years of hoping to be married again someday I could see that with intention I could choose. God has given us each the power that makes us like Him, and that is the power of our will. For every person, married, single, kids, no kids, stay at home, out of the home, whatever label we have chosen, it only becomes overwhelming if we let it limit us by making us feel like we have to do it all. If instead we are simply, and grandly, children of the King, then we can freely choose to do, and not to do, things that are set before us. And most of those things are good things.
It's not hard to chose not to eat mud pies. It is hard to find a place to leave your child/children so you can take an hour to have coffee with your girlfriend. It's not hard to chose not to stick your hand in an open flame (this only applies to women as men seem to have trouble with this around campfires). It is hard to say no to heading up the children's ministry at church. It's not hard to keep from poking your eye out with a pencil (again possibly for women only). It is hard to chose fruit instead of cake.
This idea applies to all the areas of our lives that when added together equal overwhelmed and exhausted. And there are many reasons we chose wrongly, and many layers to those reasons.
So for today let's just confess that we are confused by the noise and overwhelmed by the pressure and call on the name of God the creator of all things.
Let's ask Him to not only make us aware of the ways in which we can clear the clutter with intention and choice, but to supernaturally provide clarity and time to act.
May you find joy in your relationship with The Father and purpose in your mundane duties and peace in knowing that you are His most beautiful creation.
That in itself confirmed in me the things God is teaching me about being a woman, and the need for it to be taught to others, but before I turned the madness off they said something else that literally shouted, because they all seem to be talking at top volume, confirmation about something I realized at Soma school.
It was the Today show and they were talking about a study done over the last 20+ years in which women were asked questions that gaged their happiness. The findings from the most recent test showed that women are less happy today than they were before the women's liberation movement of the 1970s.
Now I have personally felt this was true for many years having lived through it as a child. A child who was given a green ERA button to wear by her mother and who's father promptly removed it from my shirt and threw it away. I think it started out with good intentions because, of course if a man and a woman are equally qualified and doing the same job, then they get the same pay. Duh. But at some point it went beyond trying to make us equal to men and has in many ways turned us into men. Teaching us that we have to 'have it all' implying that we don't have it all no matter what we have chosen or been given.
It is no longer adequate to raise you kids and provide a home, you have to fill all of your moments with either a job or endless activities or both. And God forbid that you are still single, you have to create such a circus of activity to not only prove that you are at least making something of your life, but you also have to prove your worth as a woman having entered obvious spinsterhood by the ancient age of 27.
It has led to a disconnect as to how to be a woman, even sometimes the desire to be one. It has emasculated men by confusing their roles as provider and protector, even to the point of it being a distasteful idea to need either of those things.
It has left women exhausted and empty and confused and desperate.
During my last visit to OKC I was blessed to hear several teachings by my pastor Josh Kouri. On Easter Sunday, after he had commissioned and confirmed my mission in Tacoma, he spoke about intentionality. Doing all things with intent, or on purpose. It gave me great clarity and joy to see so
clearly how that applied to this next season of my life.
Part of that intentionality led me to attend Soma school. Several days into it I found myself so captivated by the vision, that it was truly overwhelming to then have God begin to piece together my purpose there, and to actually show me how I was going to get to be involved. He pulled pieces from all parts of my past began to weave big sections of the tapestry of my life together for the first time.
While I was soaking in this joy of getting to do not only what God has created me to do, but what after years of seeking and listening and growing, I now knew I wanted to do, I realized...
that I would not only be ok if I never got married, but I might even choose, with intent, God over marriage.
I know saying it out loud frightens some of you. But my thinking is that if I really get to do this, if I really do get to teach and to write about who He is and what that means for us as His kids, then I would be so fulfilled and excited that I would want to be able to devote all of myself and my time to Him.
Like I might actually refuse to partake in the great gift of the marriage relationship, knowing that it would be wonderful, but it would never meet all of my needs and desires the way a life sold out to God would. (Now watch, I will have dudes knocking down my door tomorrow. :))
And not that you can't do both, but to avoid becoming overwhelmed and exhausted, I might consider choosing God only.
What was amazing to me was that I actually meant this. After years of hoping to be married again someday I could see that with intention I could choose. God has given us each the power that makes us like Him, and that is the power of our will. For every person, married, single, kids, no kids, stay at home, out of the home, whatever label we have chosen, it only becomes overwhelming if we let it limit us by making us feel like we have to do it all. If instead we are simply, and grandly, children of the King, then we can freely choose to do, and not to do, things that are set before us. And most of those things are good things.
It's not hard to chose not to eat mud pies. It is hard to find a place to leave your child/children so you can take an hour to have coffee with your girlfriend. It's not hard to chose not to stick your hand in an open flame (this only applies to women as men seem to have trouble with this around campfires). It is hard to say no to heading up the children's ministry at church. It's not hard to keep from poking your eye out with a pencil (again possibly for women only). It is hard to chose fruit instead of cake.
This idea applies to all the areas of our lives that when added together equal overwhelmed and exhausted. And there are many reasons we chose wrongly, and many layers to those reasons.
So for today let's just confess that we are confused by the noise and overwhelmed by the pressure and call on the name of God the creator of all things.
Let's ask Him to not only make us aware of the ways in which we can clear the clutter with intention and choice, but to supernaturally provide clarity and time to act.
May you find joy in your relationship with The Father and purpose in your mundane duties and peace in knowing that you are His most beautiful creation.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Special posting for Leann and all of us who know hurt.
After choosing to believe that God was real I dug in deep. I went to church 3 times a week, I sold all of my ‘secular’ CDs (which I still regret to this day), and I started my own bible study searching out the character of God. It is that last one I’m thinking about today. Well I am always thinking about my forever lost trance CD I got in Amsterdam, but that never nagged at my soul the way the character study of God did.
I fell head over heels in love with this Guy. I had been heart broken by my divorce, addicted to many things including the approval of people, and didn’t even have kids or a college degree at 30! When I read how loving and caring and forgiving God was, well at first I just wanted to know Him better.
A funny thing happened though. As I read more and more about how great and powerful He was I began to feel resentful and neglected. I could not understand why He, who claimed to love me so much that He sent His Son to die, could let all of these awful things happen to me. I knew that all of the things that happened as adult I was partially responsible for. But the abuse I suffered as a child, I was blameless in that, and He let it happen.
Why would He do that? How could He allow that? If He is who the bible says He is then He could have protected me by stopping those things before they happened! And it would have spared me, possibly, most of the hurt I caused for myself! They kept telling me at church that He loved me and that when I loved Him in return I was forgiven, a new creation. I did not feel like a new creation. I felt like the same old beat up mess, only now I had someone to blame.
That new creation bit for those of us with painful pasts is hard to wrap our minds around, and we often feel undeserving of any good in our lives. Those of you who met Jesus as children sometimes do not have trouble with this idea. You all seem to get into trouble with the idea that because you have ‘been good’ then life should be pretty good to you, taking a tone of entitlement in a way. Whatever your past choices, suffering comes to us all, and if we are finding ourselves unworthy because of our past or confused because we thought we deserve better because of our past, we often find hopelessness. We all need to be reminded, especially in the hard times, that He indeed does love us, and that we are totally unworthy of that love. And yet we get it anyway. Everyday. Forever. The fact is that whenever you go to ‘why me?’ you are claiming that you somehow deserve better. And you do. But not because you have done anything that merits it. Simply because He created us in His image. That is all. We are His creation and His greatest love. We can do nothing to increase or decrease that love. Love offered unconditionally regardless of your wrong choices, and your right choices.
Usually after you surrender to hopelessness you find the victim mentality waiting for you at every turn; lurking around in the dark corners of your mind playing old tapes of regret and blame. The truth is God will not protect us from all of the sin in the world. He was removed from that authority the moment Adam and Eve chose to question who they were as image bearers of God. The truth is that God could have changed your circumstances and He didn't, but He is not to blame. The sin of the human heart is responsible for all it. And that means that whatever the details of your specific hurt, as a part of the human race you are not a victim, but are responsible for it. Thankfully as a child of God you are given the tools to overcome it. Any road out of hurt is a hard one. And most often, a long one, but there is an inherent tie to the gracious God of all creation that if given the chance will move you forward step by healing step into a greater freedom than you ever dreamed possible. All you have to do is chose to let Him lead you every single day. With the pain of healing comes freedom for the soul.
But don’t take my word for it. Read any story in the bible and ask God to show you His redemptive theme. He is all about redeeming what was lost, even the times when we were not protected, and especially our hope.
Press in and press on. Long suffering is not easily learned and is a place that satan is perched and waiting to kill you. he wants nothing more than to lock you in the prison of living like a helpless victim, and leave you hopeless and doubting who you are as the image bearer of God. It is his original lie and it still kills God's children all of the time.
I pray for strength in Him and supernatural healing for you. May you see Him for who He is, your Daddy.
I fell head over heels in love with this Guy. I had been heart broken by my divorce, addicted to many things including the approval of people, and didn’t even have kids or a college degree at 30! When I read how loving and caring and forgiving God was, well at first I just wanted to know Him better.
A funny thing happened though. As I read more and more about how great and powerful He was I began to feel resentful and neglected. I could not understand why He, who claimed to love me so much that He sent His Son to die, could let all of these awful things happen to me. I knew that all of the things that happened as adult I was partially responsible for. But the abuse I suffered as a child, I was blameless in that, and He let it happen.
Why would He do that? How could He allow that? If He is who the bible says He is then He could have protected me by stopping those things before they happened! And it would have spared me, possibly, most of the hurt I caused for myself! They kept telling me at church that He loved me and that when I loved Him in return I was forgiven, a new creation. I did not feel like a new creation. I felt like the same old beat up mess, only now I had someone to blame.
That new creation bit for those of us with painful pasts is hard to wrap our minds around, and we often feel undeserving of any good in our lives. Those of you who met Jesus as children sometimes do not have trouble with this idea. You all seem to get into trouble with the idea that because you have ‘been good’ then life should be pretty good to you, taking a tone of entitlement in a way. Whatever your past choices, suffering comes to us all, and if we are finding ourselves unworthy because of our past or confused because we thought we deserve better because of our past, we often find hopelessness. We all need to be reminded, especially in the hard times, that He indeed does love us, and that we are totally unworthy of that love. And yet we get it anyway. Everyday. Forever. The fact is that whenever you go to ‘why me?’ you are claiming that you somehow deserve better. And you do. But not because you have done anything that merits it. Simply because He created us in His image. That is all. We are His creation and His greatest love. We can do nothing to increase or decrease that love. Love offered unconditionally regardless of your wrong choices, and your right choices.
Usually after you surrender to hopelessness you find the victim mentality waiting for you at every turn; lurking around in the dark corners of your mind playing old tapes of regret and blame. The truth is God will not protect us from all of the sin in the world. He was removed from that authority the moment Adam and Eve chose to question who they were as image bearers of God. The truth is that God could have changed your circumstances and He didn't, but He is not to blame. The sin of the human heart is responsible for all it. And that means that whatever the details of your specific hurt, as a part of the human race you are not a victim, but are responsible for it. Thankfully as a child of God you are given the tools to overcome it. Any road out of hurt is a hard one. And most often, a long one, but there is an inherent tie to the gracious God of all creation that if given the chance will move you forward step by healing step into a greater freedom than you ever dreamed possible. All you have to do is chose to let Him lead you every single day. With the pain of healing comes freedom for the soul.
But don’t take my word for it. Read any story in the bible and ask God to show you His redemptive theme. He is all about redeeming what was lost, even the times when we were not protected, and especially our hope.
Press in and press on. Long suffering is not easily learned and is a place that satan is perched and waiting to kill you. he wants nothing more than to lock you in the prison of living like a helpless victim, and leave you hopeless and doubting who you are as the image bearer of God. It is his original lie and it still kills God's children all of the time.
I pray for strength in Him and supernatural healing for you. May you see Him for who He is, your Daddy.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I spent last week at school. I love school. I love learning new things and challenging old ideas. This school was put on by my church, SOMA. It's called SOMA school, go figure, and it started because the elders of the church, after having moved here for the Midwest (sounds familiar) were finding that their friends from around the world were interested in the way they had begun to do things here in Tacoma. It got to the point that so many people wanted to learn, and they couldn't keep doing it one on one, so they created SOMA school.
I cannot tell you how much it has changed me and challenged me and made me feel almost embarrassed that God loves me so much that I get to live here and live out this mission with a front row seat and individual face time with the elders and leaders, and their wives, which I must say are some of the most amazing women I have met here.
This SOMA school had about 40 people from all over the world. Many people from Romania, one from Ireland, and a couple from Japan. The Japanese couple were so sweet. She did not speak very much English and he sat the whole week and translated what was being said by typing it on his computer; and during conversation times he just talked to her about what we were talking about. It was such a great picture of love.
In the Romanian group there were 3 single girls in their early twenties. I was so excited to see single girls there! Most of the time it is made up of married couples or the husband or wife part of a couple. I so often feel like the gift of singleness is wasted by 'the body' and all we ever talk about is how to get prepared to not be single anymore.
I got to go to lunch with those girls and they asked me all kinds of questions and I got to ask them some. It was wonderful. They are such bright and loving ladies, and they blessed me more than they know by desiring my time and wisdom.
There were several others I got to spend time with discussing our lives and our individual parts in our communities. It is great to see this vision I am now so out to being spread all over the place. It is such an important understanding and set of teachings. All of the people there seemed rocked by what they had learned and I imagine they left with as many questions as they had when they came, just different ones.
In the next few blogs I am going to share with you the things I learned at SOMA school and try and give you just a glimpse of what is going on out here. So stay tuned. Next week I'll discuss my "Where's mine?!" mentality and the new revelation on that, since the prodigal son story came up for the THIRD time lately. Then I'll share with you how we are sinful and blameless at the same time, which for me has been a real stumbling point to forgiveness of myself. Noah is my teacher in that lesson.
After that maybe some more on the vision here and what it looks like to intentionally be living it out.
Love you guys.
I cannot tell you how much it has changed me and challenged me and made me feel almost embarrassed that God loves me so much that I get to live here and live out this mission with a front row seat and individual face time with the elders and leaders, and their wives, which I must say are some of the most amazing women I have met here.
This SOMA school had about 40 people from all over the world. Many people from Romania, one from Ireland, and a couple from Japan. The Japanese couple were so sweet. She did not speak very much English and he sat the whole week and translated what was being said by typing it on his computer; and during conversation times he just talked to her about what we were talking about. It was such a great picture of love.
In the Romanian group there were 3 single girls in their early twenties. I was so excited to see single girls there! Most of the time it is made up of married couples or the husband or wife part of a couple. I so often feel like the gift of singleness is wasted by 'the body' and all we ever talk about is how to get prepared to not be single anymore.
I got to go to lunch with those girls and they asked me all kinds of questions and I got to ask them some. It was wonderful. They are such bright and loving ladies, and they blessed me more than they know by desiring my time and wisdom.
There were several others I got to spend time with discussing our lives and our individual parts in our communities. It is great to see this vision I am now so out to being spread all over the place. It is such an important understanding and set of teachings. All of the people there seemed rocked by what they had learned and I imagine they left with as many questions as they had when they came, just different ones.
In the next few blogs I am going to share with you the things I learned at SOMA school and try and give you just a glimpse of what is going on out here. So stay tuned. Next week I'll discuss my "Where's mine?!" mentality and the new revelation on that, since the prodigal son story came up for the THIRD time lately. Then I'll share with you how we are sinful and blameless at the same time, which for me has been a real stumbling point to forgiveness of myself. Noah is my teacher in that lesson.
After that maybe some more on the vision here and what it looks like to intentionally be living it out.
Love you guys.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I'm not exactly sure what you do when all of the pieces come together.
I remember watching the A Team when I was a kid. The old guy who
was in charge, Hannibal if my memory for all things useless serves, would
always say, "I love it when a plan comes together." This of course was
said in each show after they miraculously created a monster truck from
some two by fours they found laying around and had used it to defeat the
bad guy in the town. The plan always came together. Because they had a
script. I didn't get my lines for this part of my life. I was not issued the script,
nor was I consulted as to how this would all play out.
I have been feeling at loose ends for a while now knowing that everything
was changing, but again, not having it in writing, I was clueless as to
how to respond.
I decided that what was needed to re-secure the foundation was more
of me. I needed to buckle down and get to work and make some things
happen. These ideas belonged to other people. The anxiety and confusion
they created belonged only to me.
While listening to a teaching this week I was reminded that God is great
so I don't have to be in control. I realized that it was not more of me that
was called for. It was not less faith and more obedient acts.
What I actually need to move forward is less of me and deeper dependence
on God.
To they eyes of man it appears lazy or fearful or unwise. I was also reminded
that God is Gracious so I don't have to prove myself. All I can do is chose to
move deeper in intimacy and surrender than ever before.
This week a lot of things seemed to come together for me about what
the future might hold. I have waited for a long time, in my eyes, to find
these things out. I am blown away by what I know now and as the pieces
of the puzzle of my life come together before my very eyes all I can say
is... I'm glad I found those two by fours laying around.
I remember watching the A Team when I was a kid. The old guy who
was in charge, Hannibal if my memory for all things useless serves, would
always say, "I love it when a plan comes together." This of course was
said in each show after they miraculously created a monster truck from
some two by fours they found laying around and had used it to defeat the
bad guy in the town. The plan always came together. Because they had a
script. I didn't get my lines for this part of my life. I was not issued the script,
nor was I consulted as to how this would all play out.
I have been feeling at loose ends for a while now knowing that everything
was changing, but again, not having it in writing, I was clueless as to
how to respond.
I decided that what was needed to re-secure the foundation was more
of me. I needed to buckle down and get to work and make some things
happen. These ideas belonged to other people. The anxiety and confusion
they created belonged only to me.
While listening to a teaching this week I was reminded that God is great
so I don't have to be in control. I realized that it was not more of me that
was called for. It was not less faith and more obedient acts.
What I actually need to move forward is less of me and deeper dependence
on God.
To they eyes of man it appears lazy or fearful or unwise. I was also reminded
that God is Gracious so I don't have to prove myself. All I can do is chose to
move deeper in intimacy and surrender than ever before.
This week a lot of things seemed to come together for me about what
the future might hold. I have waited for a long time, in my eyes, to find
these things out. I am blown away by what I know now and as the pieces
of the puzzle of my life come together before my very eyes all I can say
is... I'm glad I found those two by fours laying around.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
And again when I think I am going through something completely
new, God gives me the original as my example.
I've been aware that the new season I am in is so very different than
anything I have ever been through before, and it has changed all
of the rules. How I live, how I make decisions, how I communicate
with God... everything has changed. Including my location.
And even though I am far away I live in a time of mass communication
and the water for my soul this week was at Lifechurch.
The sermon was about Elijah and it said so many things I needed to
hear including the fact that after God took him through a lot of
pain (ouch been there) and some time of being alone (even though Jen
and Stella have been here, without my roots, I have been very much
alone.) God then dried up his river. The one meager source of life for
Elijah in that ravine, and God takes it away too.
God changed all of the rules and Elijah had to step out, again, into
obedience with even his daily needs now going unmet.
I get easily caught up in the, "Seriously?! What are You doing?!"
attitude with God. I can lose sight of the fact that He and I have spent
years building trust and fall into the pit of self pity wondering,
"why it is so hard?" and "what purpose does any of this have?"
Lately I have been provided with the opportunity, like Elijah, to obey in new
and old ways. And after making right choices about some of them I get to feel
a heart change. I notice something that before would have been met with the
"where is mine?" and instead I think "it does my heart good for this person
to be blessed." It reminds me of who He really is and how much He loves us.
After being obedient Elijah got the opportunity to save the life of a woman
and her son by having their little bit of flour and oil stretch out for months as
God provided for them and Elijah just enough for each day.
There have been many of these opportunities to notice change lately and
just like Elijah, even though in the world's eyes and in comparison to
the way it was before I am getting less and less, God is at work.
He is at work in me so He can do work though me.
Just like Elijah.
And in case you didn't know... he is the first recorded person in the
Bible to raise someone from the dead. That kind of trial and trust
brings a very strong version of our faith.
Bring it on God. The river is dry and I am obedient.
new, God gives me the original as my example.
I've been aware that the new season I am in is so very different than
anything I have ever been through before, and it has changed all
of the rules. How I live, how I make decisions, how I communicate
with God... everything has changed. Including my location.
And even though I am far away I live in a time of mass communication
and the water for my soul this week was at Lifechurch.
The sermon was about Elijah and it said so many things I needed to
hear including the fact that after God took him through a lot of
pain (ouch been there) and some time of being alone (even though Jen
and Stella have been here, without my roots, I have been very much
alone.) God then dried up his river. The one meager source of life for
Elijah in that ravine, and God takes it away too.
God changed all of the rules and Elijah had to step out, again, into
obedience with even his daily needs now going unmet.
I get easily caught up in the, "Seriously?! What are You doing?!"
attitude with God. I can lose sight of the fact that He and I have spent
years building trust and fall into the pit of self pity wondering,
"why it is so hard?" and "what purpose does any of this have?"
Lately I have been provided with the opportunity, like Elijah, to obey in new
and old ways. And after making right choices about some of them I get to feel
a heart change. I notice something that before would have been met with the
"where is mine?" and instead I think "it does my heart good for this person
to be blessed." It reminds me of who He really is and how much He loves us.
After being obedient Elijah got the opportunity to save the life of a woman
and her son by having their little bit of flour and oil stretch out for months as
God provided for them and Elijah just enough for each day.
There have been many of these opportunities to notice change lately and
just like Elijah, even though in the world's eyes and in comparison to
the way it was before I am getting less and less, God is at work.
He is at work in me so He can do work though me.
Just like Elijah.
And in case you didn't know... he is the first recorded person in the
Bible to raise someone from the dead. That kind of trial and trust
brings a very strong version of our faith.
Bring it on God. The river is dry and I am obedient.
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