Goodbye Blogspot

Ok everyone. The long awaited new-ness is here! Can't tell? That's because I have created a wole new blog with a new name and a new look!
It is much more detailed and puts on display many more of the things I want to be able to share. It was quite a daunting task to a still rather computer illiterate girl. But I am now a fully computer illiterate computer geek. It has taken me many hours to learn the new ways of the professional grade hosting site, and just a few hours to find what a hex value was.
I am putting final touches on it now and will send you the new link next Wednesday. Thanks to all of you for following along on this journey that God has had me on specifically during these last two years. It has been an amazing season and I look forward to letting you in on some of the more mature versions of myself.
Love you all-
for that last time as juliaslife-julia

Well for the first time since I started writing this blog almost two years ago, I find myself nervous about it. I had some suggestions as to improvements that could be made, and I asked for them, and they are great ideas, but I have never tried to make this anything but the beginning of my sharing my learning through writing. So I really didn't have any idea how to take the advice and apply it. As I shared in a recent blog, I thought about making it more of a chronological account of my life with the intention to help others with similar experiences, but this is not going to work for me.

I have always loved the idea of sharing in the moment. Not sharing a slick, perfected idea or issue. But to share in the moment the struggles and successes of daily life. So I am going to stick with that because changing that made me not even want to write it.

Another thing I love is the way Carrie's character in Sex in the City writes. My style is the same idea, asking questions and then working through the answers as they come. Obviously I will not be as overtly sexual, but it may come up. Just a warning. :)

But I have made some changes in my approach to the way I think about this venue for my writing and I have come up with what I think will be a lot of fun, and work, for me, and at the same time make this a more widely read blog. Because if you don't know, all writers want to be read or why else write. Writers will say all day long that they write because they have this insatiable compulsion to do so, and they have to do it. This is not true of me. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but my truest pleasure is in teaching to faces the things that God does and is. But again, I want to reach as many people as possible, so as this grows and becomes more of what God has for it to be, I hope you will feel inspired to share it with others who need truth and grace and a word inspired from the source of all love, our grace-filled Creator.

I love you all. Keep the comments coming.

Look forward next week to many new topics and pictures.

Having learned that stories are the best way to communicate because our Creator created us as story formed people, I see the need to not only share stories, but to have these stories include a common thread. Being story formed means that we use stories to teach and share and interact. It is the most ancient form of communication becasue before we could write we could speak. Having a common thread means that in a series of stories there is an overarching theme that ties them all together, and for me makes it easier to understand.

Take for example; well let’s say… the bible. It is full of stories. And if you chose a theme, it could be redemption, relationship, forgiveness etc.; you can draw that out specifically from each story and get a clear view on God’s idea of and purpose for it. I am teaching in this style a small group of ladies at my house. We are stringing together the redemptive theme, which will climax with Jesus, and have been seeing so many stories of redemption which are building a theme of God's characteristics. Like how kind and caring and responsive He is no matter your sin. Examples here… Adam and Eve, Jacob, Moses, just to name a few, all of whom sinned greatly and were redeemed for purposes of great responsibility.

So, to start this series of writings I thought it would be helpful to know that we are on a redemptive arc with a freedom theme. My hope is that the stories I share will all be tied together with my steps toward freedom, pointing to the bigger picture of restoration and sanctification as part of redemption. The result of which, again I hope, is peace that passes understanding no matter the circumstances, a path to ease and light no matter the emotional digging going on, and the keys to self awareness which unlocks the prison of shame or fear or bitterness, and leaves you free to fully experience love and joy and truth.

But before you can be free you have to be able to see the walls of your prison. So next week I will show you the long ago places of darkness and just like any good bible story I hope you will not only see the intended theme, but also see it pointing to the ways I have been loved and protected and guided even when it does not seem that way. Because it’s those things that tell you of God’s character, and it is by knowing who He really is that will set you free.

I had no idea that when I baited you with the olfactory sensation of freedom that I would be smack dab in the thick of fighting for my own just a few days later.
I really have had such a great experience being set free. It seems like from the get I knew that there was something I had not seen but I knew was available. Yes I had heard it preached, but I also just had the sense that even though it was obviously elusive to the other followers I know, that there was more to be had. I do not speak of this in a way that means others are less than or even missing something. I am only speaking from my experience and when I look at the lives of others in comparison with mine, which you are never supposed to do, I felt like God was calling me to more.
I had no idea more what. My examples of what it means to be and looks like to be a Christian are normal people. Full of life and experiencing joy and pain just like everyone on the planet. I don’t know if I felt like I had more to deal with or felt called to a deeper relationship with God, but when I looked around me I didn’t see anyone who seemed to be doing the emotional digging I was.
My daily life was a moment by moment existence driven by my need of instruction and support. I felt very comfortable, so I thought, trusting God with all of me. It seemed natural and almost easy to just let go and let Him lead. I realize now that the past 9 years have apparently been a process of me letting go every day the parts of me that were being restored because they had been stolen from me.
So it turns out that until today I have not been in possession of enough of me to surrender fully to God in order to receive the freedom I have for so long been working. And the bugger of it is; the working part was my choice. It didn’t have to be such a burden. Again today in the midst of compiling my list of things to do to be set free I was reminded that there is nothing for me to do.
So how do we begin this journey? How do I share with you where I came from and how I got here in a way that helps you begin, or continue to move through, your own journey? And not only that but allows you to benefit from what God has taught me because that is the only reason I will ever write one more word. I used to write to say things I would never say out loud. Then I wrote because God had given me something to say and I thought that meant I was a worthwhile person. Then I tried to organize my writing so that I could find a reason to write which became the need to be published and have my voice heard, and pay the bills. And now, after all of this unnecessary work, I will write with you in mind. With the intent to benefit someone other than myself and, it will be easy. Because Jesus said so.
Again… how? Well my past is filled with stories of pain and abuse and insecurity, very much like most of the people in the world. So I’ll start there. Next week.

So the suspense is over! As you can see by the pictures I decided to go to the reunion. I took along a friend from church as an anchor in case I went blank and forgot who I was, and to keep me from reverting naturally back to that loud, insecure, silly girl.
The moment I walked in the door I realized I did not need a reminder of who I am. I have now been this person longer than I was that high school girl, and weight issue aside, I felt very comfortable as me.
We all talked an hugged and caught up on life. What I had not realized is that in a restaurant bar, with 75 people you are trying to talk to, the conversation does not get deep. So my answer to the question was... drum roll please... "My sister and I have our own wedding photography business." End of story. It was great. I did feel like I wanted to share more with a few people, but as happens with 80's teenagers we were drawn on to the dance floor with the baiting sounds of Guns and Roses and Prince.
Still though the idea of how I got here and what I am doing has grown much bigger than just trying to find an answer to a question or a justifiable list of reasons for my existence.
It has caused me to consider with perspective all that I have been through, all that God has seen me through, and what that means for you. You whom God has given me to. You who are the fulfillment of a promise He made to me saying that, "None of your pain will be wasted." This being said during my struggle to decide if life was worth living or not.
So, since my pain is not wasted and it has made me who I am, a teacher of the word and work of God, I am going to use this place to share how He and I got here.
And by the way, here is a place so very near absolute and total freedom that I can smell it. You want to know what freedom smells like???
Check back next week!

My 20th high school reunion was 2 weeks ago. I talked to many people who each had an opinion on either thier own experience or whether or not I should attend mine. I had decided at one point not to go because I had gotten caught up in trying to figure out what I would say to people when they asked me what I was doing now. Every time I imagined the scene, "So Julia, what do you do?" asks someone I am struggling to recognize through all of the self-tanner and sagging skin - "I am a Christian!" is the answer I blurt. Here I imagine they judge me and write me off as a feeble minded idiot who is at any moment going to tell them what a miserable sinner they are and try to save their soul.
The other option, same question- this time I go into detail... "Well I live with my sister and she has a daughter, Stella, and we have two other single girls who live with us and it is part of our ministry. I also teach, and right now am leading a group of ladies through the story of God. And I have traveled all over the world on mission trips, most recently to the Czech Republic, and..." I trail off as I see their eyes glaze over and they start to search the room for another recognizable face to use as an excuse to escape.
It's not whether or not I have a big house or a fancy car or kids or even a husband that I feel like I needed to justify my existence, but at least I need to have an good answer as to just what it is that I spend my days doing. Not too much to ask I don't think. Of myself, and of God.
My life since deciding to follow Jesus has been an extraordinary case of of strange requests. I have often been in a season that required some real thought as to how to explain what I 'do.' Having inherited my dads predisposition for pride I have not felt very concerned about what others thought about that answer, when I have been able to come up with one, until the reunion began looming in the near future.

Honestly the only thing I was bummed about is the fact that over the last year or so I have gained back some weight I lost and that would have been really nice to walk into that bar looking smokin', 38 year old, hot. So with that to accept and the explanation of my existence to figure out, I leaned heavily toward the 'no I will not attend' box.

How do you sum up 20 years without those pretty normal things to show for it? And even though most of the time I do not feel like my life is less full because I do not have those things, considering the explanation of what I have been doing caused me to spend some time thinking about what I have been through and how I got here.

Come back next week and I'll tell you what I discovered and what I decided.

In the story of Abraham and God, after God promises to make Abraham the father of many nations through his own, as yet un-conceived son, God comes for a visit on His way to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.
I had read this story many times and each time the idea of the conversation between God and Abraham was the outstanding thing for me. How Abe had talked to God is suggesting and seemingly getting God to change His mind. I don’t think God does that so I see it as God setting up this scenario to teach Abraham how to talk to Him and to give him confidence as to how to approach Him. He lets Abe talk Him down in an almost harassing way. Abe says over and over again, “What about this many…” And each time God goes, “OK.”
I loved this. I was a major piece in my learning how to see God in my life as active participant and loving Father.
But this last time I stopped on the part in which God is sitting outside of Abraham’s tent and He asks where Sarah is and Abe says that she is in the tent. He had just asked her to prepare some things for their guests. God promises again; for what I think is the third time, that they will have a child. This time though He gives a time frame. A year from now, He says. And Sarah in the kitchen hears this and laughs. When she comes out with things to serve them I assume, God asks her why she laughed. And her response is ridiculous. She denies that she laughed. And God says, “Yes you did.”
It is such a strange little piece to put in there. They don’t get into a fight and God does not call her a liar. There is no further mention of it at all.
I am learning that in bible study, when something sticks out like that for you, it is not just a strange thing God put in there for some strange reason; it is the Spirit calling you deeper exploration. And it was sticking out for me; because this is my ridiculous response too.
In all of the healing going on for me… I am having trouble letting God see me. And for some ridiculous reason, I think He can’t. In my shame, I am hiding something from Him? Well, I am trying to. I am afraid that if He sees it all He will take away the things I love and I will be rejected and worthless.
So when God confronts Sarah with her disbelief, in fear, she denies it. As if she is able to hide this from God! And God responds by stating clearly and plainly and without judgment that He knows.
To my surprise, this is a great relief to me! I am not afraid because He knows, I am set free from hiding! I am set free not only from trying to keep part of myself hidden from God which is impossible, and tiring, I am relieved because if He does already know… and He hasn’t cast me out as useless and ugly, then… then what? Then He must actually approve of me and love me. If He really sees me, even the things I think He can’t see because I am keeping them inside the tent, if He sees even those things too… then I am free from shame.
Sarah had an honest response of disbelief in that moment. God had made this promise years before also. I would have giggled a little too. But when He asked her why she laughed, meaning to have her answer for her lack of trust and or faith, she was afraid, and I think, ashamed. So she denied it like she believed she could hide something from God. And He told her straight out, you cannot. “Yes you did.” This was not meant to shame her, but to free her. I don’t know if it did or not. But it freed me. 2000 years later, that moment God knew would be recorded and I would see and be freed to let Him see me. Thank you God.